It Is Always Our Selves We Find in the Sea
by writtenincursive
Summary: Elsa Millman is an adopted child from the streets of Norway. Her older brother Dave is her best friend, but he becomes her protector when Elsa decides to find love and herself among the sea. Deadliest Catch.
1. On The Ship is my Stowaway Heart

I was the orphan, adopted by the loving family who wanted a little girl. I was adopted when I was 8 and ever since then I was best friends with my brother. Through the days of our step father beating me and dealing with my brothers leaving for his new career after our mother died and I was left with my abusive step-father.

My brother is a fisherman, on the vessel the Cornelia Marie. He is the strong, goof ball Dave Millman. He still is my best friend. So the day I turned eighteen I jumped on a grey hound bus with the money my brother sent me. I headed up to Alaska, Dutch Harbor to be exact.

That was over 5 years ago. I now lived in a small apartment with my brother and his girlfriend Alexis. I am only 23 and of pure Norwegian descent. I can speak the language fluently, along with English and Swedish. My name was given to me by my great-grandmother who delivered me to the orphanage, it was Elsa.

Currently I work at the Elbow room, but I long to join my brother on the sea. I always loved the sea. It was the only thing I remember from Norway. Even though I love it in America, my language, my culture and my history all lay in the streets of Bergen. But I would never tell anyone what my heart wants, that was until I met him.

He was stunning, and his smile made me so happy to see. My brother introduced me to him the day before the fleet left the harbor for King Crab season. That night we met we stayed up until the sun dawned over the mountains and he had to rush to the docks. I walked with him to bid him farewell along with my brother. Two different men, two different ships, twice the goodbye tears.

His name was Jake. Jake Anderson the deckhand on the Northwestern. I didn't kiss him that day on the dock, but I wish I had. The calls at the early hours of the morning from the Elbow Room's satellite phone, the laughs, and the heart to heart conversations made my fall harder for him. I don't know if he felt the same but I felt like I could marry him tomorrow.

My brother would rant and rave about how many of the men in the fleet liked me. I was the indigenous Norwegian girl that caught Edgar Hansens eye, Andy Hilstrand's gaze and especially the devotion of both Jake and Josh Harris. They all liked me, and would always jump on the chance to spend alone time with me. But I did not want any of them. They weren't the guys for me. My brother would always tell me how secure I would be with one of them. Honest men, who were in line to inherit their family fishing vessel, or were the men who pulled in the most money. My brother would always tell me how Jake and Josh would fight over who was going to win my heart. But none of them were. At least while I was single it gave them hope. But my heart was no longer free. It belonged to Jake Anderson, and he didn't even know it.


	2. Countless are the Sands and Seas

_A/N:_ I do not own Jake Anderson, Dave Millman or any of the Deadliest Catch Enterprise. I do however own Elsa Millman and all her fictional affiliates.

* * *

_Countless are the sands and seas._

* * *

I wiped down a table in the Elbow Room. Business was slow today due to the fact that the fishing boats would make their arrival sometime today. The town's people loved to visit them as they docked. The owner of the bar had taken the day off, so did Alexis. She was down at the docks talking with the old men about their fishing days. The skies were gray and overcast, threatening a possible snow storm, but nonetheless I was stuck in the empty bar room.

I wanted to wait out by the docks and be the first to greet my second family, the Harris' and of course Jake Anderson. He was the only thing on my mind since he left over 2 months ago. Just on the phone calls he snuck in while he was up late at night were enough to know that our relationship had potential. Hell, we could get married.

I propped the door of the bar open to get a better view of the coast. It was only 6pm and the men of the sea should be returning at any time. I bent down to clean under the counter, even though it was spotless. And I heard the faint shouts of the people outside. Immediately my head shot up and I walked to the door and scanned the horizon. I saw the outline of a turquoise boat. The Cornelia Marie no doubt; I smiled because they had made it home safe. Alexis was jumping up and down waving at the men as they scurried their boat into the harbor and secured its ropes.

I watched as Dave jumped off the boat and ran over to Alexis and grabbed her in his arms. He spun her around as the older women of the town looked on with tender eyes, holding their hearts. He kissed her on the lips and turned around to search the crowd. Alexis placed a hand on his chest to get his attention, his face looked worried. But Alexis pointed up to the bar and relief washed over Dave's face as he saw me standing in the doorway. He waved at me and I waved back, but then Phil caught his attention telling some story about their current trip to sea.

I sighed at the empty bar room, everyone was down by the docks watching as the crews of the other vessels harbored. The Time Bandit made a scene when they let off fireworks, scaring the older ladies of the town. I watched as the skies got darker with the loss of the daylight. The crowds had thinned out considerably and all that remained where various crew members and fans of the show. I went back to my daily cleaning, always checking out the window to see if the Northwestern was coming. But as the men of the sea started pouring in for their annual celebration, their were still no signs of the Northwestern.

I carried a tray filled with glasses of beer over to the table where the Harris boys were sitting, along with other crew members and greenhorns.

"Hey Esla, how are things going?" Jake asked me.

I gave him a polite smile and handed him his drink, "Eh, not to bad now that I know you boys are safely home but, what about the Northwestern have you heard about them?"

I saw Josh roll his eyes before he started to speak, "Don't worry your little Jakey is going to be A-fucking-Okay!"

I was taken back by the sudden harshness in his tone; Josh wasn't one to be mean.

"I'm sorry…I just wanted to know." I stuttered out as I stumbled a little on my feet out of nervousness.

"Well, Elsa maybe if you gave the other nine or so men who have been after your heart for 5 years then there wouldn't be this hostility but Elsa you break my fucking heart because you choose a year old green horn over US!"

The entire room went silent as they looked over and Josh and me, Jake's eyes were wide with shock as well as Dave's. No one knew what to do.

I straighten my posture and I walked to the door, as all eyes followed me. I walked outside to the freezing, night air and let the tears roll. I didn't know that he felt like this, that I was a heartbreaker. I just wanted to be loved more then anything else in the world, to be loved for who I am not what my brother is or does. It's such a tough situation.

The men inside must have heard me sobbing because of the loud commotion inside, signaling to me that Phil was at Josh's throat. Along with his brother and fellow deckhands on all the boats, it made me smile a little knowing that there were more people then Dave who cared about me.

I stood up as my legs felt sore and tired from the strain of crouching down to avoid hitting the snow. I walked down to the docks and sat on the edge, closest to the water. It is where I felt at home and like I meant something to some one out their. I felt whole. I don't know how long I sat there. Good thing the owner was working tonight because of the rush or I would be so screwed. But I leaned my head back to look at the crystal clear night sky. The stars shined like a million little diamonds above my head. I felt rich for a split second. I almost envied their beauty.

"When I missed you I would always glance at the stars, because they reminded me of your eyes." I turned around at the sound of the familiar voice. The one I had been waiting to see and feel in my bones.

He was standing at the end of the docks, the slight breeze washing over his muscular form. I stood up and let my feet carry me until I was in front of him. I was so happy he was finally here.

"I missed you," I whispered.

"I missed you more then you will know," he said back to me.

He stepped closer to me; our bodies were mere inches apart. I could feel his warm body heat, contrasting my frozen skin.

When he closed the gap between my lips and his, my breath hitched in my throat and I felt dizzy. He grabbed my waist with his strong hands, and wrapped the other one around to place on the small of my back. I was speechless, breathless, and completely in love. He tongue asked for entrance and I granted it without hesitation.

The snow storm must have started because I could feel the cold snowflakes hitting my cheeks and melting from the warmth. Jake pulled his face away from mine and I whimpered in protest.

"I think I need to make up for lost time," he said. I breathed in his scent. He smelled like the ocean, and some unknown cologne that excited my senses.

My gaze caught his crystal blue eyes and I smiled up at his, utterly be founded at his features. I tried to soak in everything. His every freckle, dimple, and the way I felt at this moment.

He stroked my hair, causing little white snowflakes to fall out, and join the others on the thin layer covering the dock under our feet; the world only had Jake and me in it.

His lips caught mine again, the kiss wasn't as tender but I was okay with that. For the first time in my life, I actually felt like I belonged.


	3. The Sun Will Rise Over the Sea

_A/N:_ I do not own Jake Anderson, Dave Millman or any of the Deadliest Catch Enterprise. I do however own Elsa Millman and all her fictional affiliates.

* * *

_The Sun Will Rise Over the Sea_

* * *

I had told Jake why I was sitting at the docks in the middle of the night, before he arrived. I didn't know how he would react to Josh; they always had a secret battle going on between them for some competitive reason.

"Jake it's no big deal, its over," I told him as we walked up the snow covered embankment, back to the bar to meet the rest of his crew.

"He fucking hurt you," he seethed through his clenched jaw.

I opened the door of the bar and instantly everything went quiet. You could hear the faint whispers of various men noting that Jake had survived his third trip at sea. But they all watched as Jake's eyes searched the room for Josh Harris.

Once their eyes locked Jake clenched his hand into a fist, his knuckles white and his eyes shot daggers at Josh, and Josh reacted by pushing his chair back and standing up.

"You better watch you fucking mouth Josh. Your daddy can't always bail you out!" Jake screamed at Josh.

Josh shook his head in cocky manner, and scuffed. "Seriously Anderson, you're a little prick who thinks he is this great deckhand but you are worth shit to this fleet. WE, no wait I HAVE been with Elsa from the day she came to Dutch Harbor. I have been her friend, her family and even her shoulder to cry on. But what the fuck makes you think that you can tell her LIES and fuck with her head!"

I was absolutely shocked; it was like Josh was just saying things to aggravate Jake. Jake went to step forward but I stopped him by putting my hand on his chest, "Jake no, it's not worth it." I whispered.

But before I could comprehend what was happening I was being pushed gently into someone's arms and Jake was lunging at Josh. Fists were flying, and the cracking of bone to bone was making my stomach turn. Jake pinned Josh against the floor and smashed his fist into his face.

Dave ran up to Jake and pulled him off while Edgar and Norman, the closest to Josh, held him back. "You low life bastard! You're just jealous because you can't hold a steady girlfriend with the whores you find!" Jake screamed at Josh. Josh lunged at Jake again but Edgar and Norman pulled him back.

"Enough both of you," Sig screamed at the mess.

I stood there in awe, I was afraid Jake might lose his job over this stupid fight. I walked over to Jake as he talked with Sig. Sig stepped aside once he noted my presence; he left Jake and me to be alone for a second.

"You're face is already starting to bruise," I told him. "How about we get out of here?" Jake looked up at me and smiled slightly and nodded his head. I turned around to find Dave and mouthed to him that I was heading back to the apartment, with his thumbs up I was out the door with Jake. Since Dutch Harbor isn't a big town, we walked back to my shanty apartment.

Once inside I set Jake on my bed and retrieved various first aid items, along with an ice pack.

"Here put this on your cheek, it will help with the swelling," I handed him the ice pack as he gently applied it to his cheek bone. I cleaned a few cuts and scrapes, he never once flinched.

"I'm sorry Elsa that isn't what I wanted to happen," Jake said silently to me.

"Actually, I felt pretty awesome," I said. Jake looked up at me with wondering eyes," Yeah that you defend my honor that much." Jake smiled at that comment.

"Are you feeling any pain?"

"I'm a crab fisherman, this little bruise is nothing to the bearing sea," he chuckled.

I sat next to him on the bed, as he turned his head to look at me better.

"I feel like the luckiest guy in the world right now," he told me his lips inching closer.

My mind raced; along with my heart and me lips ached for his again. As his lips brushed mine, I could feel the slight cut he had from the fight, but as his rough hands found the hem of my shirt I lost all control. I stood up and kept my lips locked on his. My body was in pure ecstasy, his hands in places my brother would defiantly not approve of. But I wanted it, more then I thought.

With him still sitting on the edge of the bed I brought my legs up around his waist and startled his toned body. I was towering over him, making his have to lean up to catch my lips but without hesitation he worked for it. His body fell back onto the soft mattress; his hands pulled me down with him. He pulled the thick Northwestern sweater off his body, leaving only a t-shirt. My shirt was on the floor next to the melting ice pack. Jake's lips trailed down my neck, then my collarbone. His hands were firm on my hips holding my body up as I arched my back. His knees were on either side of my body as he leaned over my body.

I let out a small moan, letting him know that he was doing everything right. I looked down at him as his kissed my stomach. He smiled back at me, he was so perfect. His hands found my jean button, then the zipper. As he pulled my pants off he let his hands run down the outside of my thighs. His rough skin against my smooth skin was amazing.

"Jake please doesn't stop," I told him as his mouth placed kisses above my panties.

"Oh, he better fucking stop, "came a familiar voice.


	4. I Have Seen The Stormy Seas

_A/N_: See The Previous Chapters

* * *

_I Have Seen the Stormy Seas_

* * *

"Dave, I-I-"

"You were what Elsa? Fucking on the first date lil' sis, really classy!" He scoffed and left the room.

I looked to Jake and I busted out crying. My brother was my hero, my role model and here I was letting him down.

Jake looked shocked but shook out of it as soon as he heard me crying. He pulled me into his lap and let my cry against his bare chest. He leaned over and grabbed his shirt of the floor and made my put it over my scantly clad body. Over my silent tears draining out of my eyes I could hear Alexis shunning Dave for his behavior.

Jake kissed my forehead, rubbing small circles on my back in an attempt to calm me down. "Your brother is only defensive because I don't work on the Cornelia Marie." Jake said to me.

This made me cry harder, just with everything crashing down. I started to hiccup due to the excessive sobbing. Jake kissed my tears as he slipped me off his lap and left the room. I watched as he walked over to Dave and extended his hand.

"Hi. I am Jake Anderson and I am in love with your little sister. We got off to a rocky start but if you just give me one chance I can show you that I am worth it." Dave stood there in awe next to Alexis. Dave looked down and sighed, shaking his head. He looked up at me, looking into my red, teary eyes and turned back to Jake's open hand. I held my breath until Dave grabbed Jake's in his.

"Hi. Jake, you hurt her and I am using your body as bait to crab fish." Jake smiled and Dave laughed a little.

I slept on the couch that night, curled up to a warm Jake. Watching some stupid movie my brother loved.

* * *

The sun danced across Jake's face, the next morning. He head was leaning on his propped up hand as I hogged the entire length of the couch leaning up on his chest, his other arm protectively laid on my waist.

I slowly pulled my achy body up to reach his lips. I placed a small kiss on the corner of his mouth, he smiled at the contact and with a raspy voice said, "Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning," I said back.

He opened his eyes to help himself find my lips. He placed a few gently kisses on them before he scooped me up off the couch and headed to walk to the terrace of our apartment. The sun was shimmering off the distant waters of the Bering sea. He held me close in his arms after he set me down, as he watched the landscape in front of us. I laid my head against his chest, rising and falling with every breath.

"I have to leave for Seattle today, for my family," he said it with so much remorse.

I picked up my head and looked at him; he was looking out into the sky.

"Don't be sad Jake, I will wait for you again," I told him.

A slight breeze caught my breath and stole it away from me because of its iciness. Jake just held me in his arms, slightly swaying from side to side. He placed his chin on top of my head and I closed my eyes, fighting back tears because I had only just caught him but now I had to let him go.

Dave and Alexis were still sleeping, and my bare legs couldn't stand the bitter Northern air, so I lead Jake inside to my small bedroom. I laid down on the bed and told him to lay next to me.

I ran my hands down his muscular arms, tracing every freckle and enjoying the feeling of his tough skin. I wanted him so bad. I kissed him softly at first; he didn't say anything just enjoyed my presence. Then before I could wrap my head around everything I was pulling his shirt of his tone, lean body.

I arched my back as he kissed my neck and nibbled on my soft skin, he took this opportunity to unclasp my bra and toss it to the floor.

I felt so bare and vulnerable, but Jake wasn't judging me and he let his eyes trace my body. He was taking in every inch of my skin trying to remember what I felt like, he mouth found my nipple and he started to massage it with his tongue.

I moaned in pleasure and Jake slipped his hands under my panties and slide them down my legs, taking his time to remove his own boxers. A situation I have been in before, but this time it felt so right.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," Jake's gruff voice ringed in my ears.

I just grabbed his face and slammed our lips together. He shifted his body and I was moaning in absolute ecstasy. Our bodies found a rhythm and we worked together. He teased me by biting my ear and letting his hot breath trace my jaw line until he placed his lips to my neck.

I let my fingers dig into his back and I reached my peak.

"Jake! Ahh," I screamed. I didn't even care about Dave.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, in an attempt to make this feeling last forever. Finally he collapsed next to me. He hair sticking to his sweaty face.

"Come with me, to Seattle "he panted.

"Jake, I don't know-"I tried to think of some excuse to stay because I knew Dave would get angry.

"Stop thinking about Dave for once, think about Elsa and what you want," He told me back.

* * *

By one o'clock that afternoon, I had two backpacks and a suitcase full of clothing, shoes and girly necessities.

"This will be good for you, I really truly think that this will heal you," Alexis was holding my hands as we stood in front of the door.

"You're like a sister to me, don't forget to call! And please, please, please don't worry about Dave; he's a big boy, "she added.

I sighed, "You're my best friend Alexis, I will come back of course. But this is like the true first time I am leaving without Dave there to save me like every other time."

"Now you have Jake to catch you," she smiled up at me. She embraced me in a loving hug and hugged back with all my might!

Alexis moved to the side and looked between Dave and me as we stood a distance away from each other.

He was not happy, but he would deal…I hope.

Jake picked up my bags and his small duffel bag and said his goodbyes to Alexis.

I looked at Dave and ran to him, hugging him like it would be my last time.

This was it, my breakaway. It was like so refreshing but scary. I mean a 24 year old, adopted girl who has been to scared to be away from someone because I was afraid they would give up and leave me too.

"Take care, little sister, I love you. " Dave said hugging me back.

"You're the greatest brother in the world," I said back.

"If you EVER need ANYTHING, you know my cell. I am always here for you." Dave always understood what my heart felt about not being blood linked to our family. He always understood that when it was my time to find myself, he would have to let go.

This is that time.

"I love you big bro', thanks for everything." I said back.

I looked to Jake and smiled. I would be back here, of course. This wasn't goodbye forever. And it really wasn't that big a deal.

But for me, it meant the world.


	5. Count The Waves

**Thank you to everyone who is reading and/or commenting this story! I appreciate it so much! But I am having a bit of writers block, so ideas are greatly appreciated!**

* * *

_If You Want To Know How Much I love You, Count the Waves_

* * *

Jake's family welcomed me with open arms, literally. The second I stepped foot into the Anderson home I was suffocated with hugs from various sisters and kisses from his mother. I felt so happy, at ease.

"You can stay in this room, dear," Mrs. Anderson said to me leading me into a small room. It was a simple blue color with various hygienic products belonging to men like Old Spice and a bottle of Axe. I inhaled deeply.

This was defiantly Jake's room.

"Are we sharing a room?" I questioned Jake as he started rummaging through some of his dresser drawers.

He sighed and looked up at me, "I tried babe, but Dad says it sets a bad example since none of my sisters boyfriends get to share a room."

I looked at him. "So you mean to say we are staying here for the summer, and we can't share a room?!" I was getting flustered. Jake walked over to me and started rubbing his hands up and down my arms in an effort to comfort me. I think he understood what not being alone meant to my poor heart.

"Jake that means no _sex," _I whispered the last part afraid of who might hear.

"Oh babe, believe me we can think of ways, "he said chuckling.

* * *

"There is mail addressed to Jake Anderson and Elsa Millman here, "Jake's sister Chelsea said. Handing me a postcard with a setting sun picture on the front of it.

The back read:

_Crabbing Fleet!_

_You're all invited to Sig Hansen's House for the_

_Party of the Year. _

_When: August 29_

_Time: 4:00pm _

_Please bring a covered dish._

_Lots of Love, _

_Sig and June_

"Hmm," I said handing the postcard over to Jake at the other side of the table.

"Better call him and let him know we are going!" Jake said as soon as he finished. He got up and left the room grabbing the phone on his way out.

"So, you and Jake now," Chelsea asked me.

I smiled up at her, "Yeah, it went so fast but yeah."

"He's a good kid, with a big heart. I don't want to see him hurt again," Chelsea said to me.

"Don't worry I am not the heartbreaker, I tend to always be on the side of heartbreakee. "

She smiled at me, and her tensed shoulders seemed to relax a little. "You know, the way he looks at you it's like he is ready to marry you right now."

I sighed, " I know Chelsea and don't get me wrong this relationship is heavenly, but its going so fast, I want to be like, Whoa Jake."

"Sex isn't good?"

I almost choked on the air I was sucking in, "No, that's not it! I uhh- see we met like two months ago, he left for fishing. Then came back a few days ago and here we are."

"Oh, I see."

"Hey girls," Jake interrupted our conversation," Sig says that all the Northwestern families are going so this is going to be a blast!"

He always got so excited with anything that involved the Northwestern, or fishing.

"Let's go for a ride Elsa," Jake said to me.

I nodded in approval and said a quick goodbye to Chelsea as she read an article in the local paper.

I opened the door to his Honda and asked, "Where are we going?"

"Oh you'll see," he responded.

As we drove down the dark road, the moon illuminated the peaceful landscape. I saw a dirt road path a little ways up the road.

"Here, turn here and follow this road please, " I asked him.

He did as I asked and before I knew it we where in the middle of a field, out of road.

"Well this is a fully functional road." He laughed.

I opened the door and stepped out, breathing in the cool air. The field was beautiful, full of wild flowers and various trees.

Jake followed me and stepped out of the car. He looked at me with a quizzical look.

"Here, make love to me here." I said, closing the space between us.

* * *

The dew, mixed with sweat made me shiver from the slight chilliness of the dawn. I opened my eyes to see the sun rising, Jake asleep under me as I laid my head on his rising and falling chest.

I felt comfortable, and safe with him. Something I never felt with the other men that I dated.

Something with American men, I tell you!

But no matter, what had happened in the past few days, things we're going so fast. I was afraid by next week I would be pregnant with out third child and having our 20th year anniversary.

Things were moving fast, but at moments like this I relished how the world seemed to stop.


End file.
